i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
