He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Randomize
