She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
