So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
