so explain again why im purple
no
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
