Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I wear drunk well.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
