Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
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