He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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