Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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