Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Drunk walkin through police station. America
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
