I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
This toilet bowl is my home.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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