actually, I'm a sock model
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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