no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
