Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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