Your dad touched me again.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
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