It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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