I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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