you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
