i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
