the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
