Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
