At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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