i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
