I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
