And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
