Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
