yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
please come you make the beer taste better
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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