Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet

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(908): View more from New Jersey

I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts

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(970): View more from Colorado

ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"

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(801): View more from Utah

You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.

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(646): View more from New York

You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have

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(760): View more from California

I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart

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(615): View more from Tennessee

I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.

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(601): View more from Mississippi

If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon

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