we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
