Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
