I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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