hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
