She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
