your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
After last night, I could never be a politician.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
