Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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