I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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