New low: just hacked my moms facebook
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
