Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
