It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
should my penis look like a turkey
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
