thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize
