We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
