I wannas sexs uuuuu
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
