is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
