Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
