everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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