I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
ugly people sure do ruin things
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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