I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
