I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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