$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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