just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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