why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
