At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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